Isn’t it strange how a minute in time can change your life? I look back and think of how many times a mere 60 seconds made an impact on me.
One minute I am pregnant, the next I’m a mother. One minute I’m smiling and the next I’m broken into a million pieces.
I was doing some thinking today about how much your life can change in a minute. One minute you could be walking down the street and the next…maybe you’re paralyzed from an accident. Maybe one minute you’re barely making rent when you hear your lottery ticket number announced on television.
Isn’t it strange? A friend of mine was giving me some advice today. He asked me why I was chasing life when life should be chasing me.
I spend so much time trying to figure out what’s in store for me in the future that at times I forget to live in the present. I’ve put so much pressure on myself when it comes to my personal life that i sometimes forget to enjoy the little moments. Why am I chasing life? I have time, don’t I? Why is everyone in such a rush to get to the next phase of their life? Can’t we just enjoy the now?
I had a strange dream last night. It wasn’t strange in the way that you might think. It was strange because it felt like reality.
I dreamt that I was at my own wedding. Yep, one of those dreams. I’m not sure what brought on this kind of dream nor do I care. The feelings that I felt in this dream were of indescribable happiness and it only made me long for the day that it might actually happen.
The room wasn’t huge, the place wasn’t lavish by any means. The tables were decorated in soft aquamarine tablecloths topped with white china trimmed in silver. Each had a mason jar sitting in the center with a white ribbon bow and a floating white candle inside.
Above my head were millions of white string lights and white chinese lanterns of various sizes.
The music was soft and soothing and I could feel the butterflies swarming in my stomach as I thought about this important moment in my life.
Everyone who meant something to me was there. Smiling faces each glimpsing my way as I walked through and around the beautiful tables in my champagne colored wedding gown. And the groom?…well he is to be determined.
Eeeeeeee!!!! I am so happy I could die. Don’t you just absolutely love that feeling of butterflies and you are completely okay with that permanent smile on your face??
This year is gunna be MY year!!
What is life without a little pain? Pain makes life worth living. If everything were easy we wouldnt learn…we wouldn’t grow and we certainly wouldn’t appreciate. My heart has been beaten and battered, shattered and shaken…but I know that in the end it’ll be worth it because the reward will be worth the pain.
I don’t know what it is…I’m not sure what’s happening. I don’t have answers if you asked me. I’m confused as hell and I’m sure you are too.
Reading my random thoughts could definitely be compared to walking through a maze with no end. But trust me, I’m determined to straighten it all out once I find some answers. I think my heart is confused…or maybe just cautious. But at the same time I think I know where this is headed for once. I can feel it. It’s like the sequel but instead of those shitty Hollywood versions this sequel is much better than the original.
Time is the only thing in the way. But why rush it? I won’t this time. Maybe I don’t have all the time in the world but I believe that whatever is meant to be WILL happen and I’m not going to force anything.
Right now I’ll live day to day and thats all I can do. That’s the best way to live in my opinion. Why drive myself crazy with all those “why” questions. Nope, not gonna happen.
I think I’ve handled things exceptionally well considering all I’ve been dealt. Most dont know the whole story and probably never will. But what’s important is that I’ve done what’s right, I’ve only asked what’s necessary, I’ve taken care of my own and I’ve made my sacrifices. I don’t regret my past and I’m sure as hell looking forward to my future…especially now. And I’m excited I see what happens…w him. :-)
You have got to live your life like you’re dying. No more feeling sorry, no lying, no crying. You have got to be the difference you’re wanting, time to make a change and show good will hunting. Dreams can be a wish but life is reality. Bow down to what’s real and grab on to your sanity. If you want something you’ve got to work for it. It’s all about your effort, pointless to ignore it. You can live like a child and hide behind a mask but it’ll come back and haunt you or bite you in the ass. Time to face yourself and be who you would like to be. Time to be a legend in your own little fantasy.
As I talked with a good friend tonight I started thinking about the definition of a “friend”. We share or used to share a common friend; let’s name her X.
What is the definition of a friend? Is it a universal definition or is it tweaked depending on the individual defining it?
In my opinion, I believe a true friend is the one who is there for you moreso in your difficult times than the easy. Just as the late and beautiful icon of mine, Marilyn Monroe said; if you can’t handle me at my worst than you don’t deserve me at my best-I think the same goes for friends. You truly find out who your real friends are in the most difficult of times. You may find that they’re not there for you when you need them most, it’s tragic and heart wrenching but it makes you stronger and smarter. X made her mark in my life but sure as hell disappeared in my time of need…now her mark is a scar in my life that’s slowly fading away.
My mind is spinning. It’s spinning so fast; just like a merry-go-round on recess. I wish it would stop because otherwise I might get so dizzy I’ll vomit.
I was talking with a friend last night about how there’s a reason for everything that happens to you; everything happens for a reason. One small thing can totally turn your life around.
One minute you’re there…next you’re here. Life’s complicated roller coaster taking you on a crazy ride as you try to figure everything out. But I think that’s the whole point; you’re not supposed figure it out.
I could rewind my life 3 years and I would’ve never imagined I would be a mother, living back in northwest Indiana working at the nations largest dairy farm as their sales & marketing director.
And now my mind is flooded with images of the past. Happy ones. And do I dare take a chance on those chances or play it safe and keep moving forward. Things are different now though. I’ve calmed down…way down. And I’m a much better person-mostly because of my incredible son. So if I could turn my brain off if only for a moment…I think I’d leave it on. I’m enjoying the flood right now…I deserve the cloudiness…the dizziness…the excitement. I enjoy living my life day to day without knowing what tomorrow will bring.
My hard work is paying off. I think I’ve done an amazing job of raising my son so far and with being promoted in my company with 3 months of working there…I’d say I deserve a little treat.
We say we want attention…but don’t smother us. We want unpredictability…but we are too impatient for surprises. We want you to come up to us and ask us out…but f you do we will say you’re weird. We want to be strong…but for you to protect us. We want those irrational, uncontrollable, helpless feelings for you…but we hate ourselves for being vulnerable. We want to stand tall…but prefer you are taller. We want to provide…but we find it sexy when you pay. We want passion, romance, love, tenderness…but not too much or we will think you’re weak. We want humorous…but only enough. We want you to understand us…but enjoy being mysterious. More than anything in the world…we want “the one”.
Confused yet? You should be…we are women
